Obama signs "South Paw" Executive Order

EXECUTIVE ORDER -- ENSURING CONVENIENCES FOR LEFTIES

By the authority vested in me by the Constitution and the laws of the United States of America, in order to reduce the chances of carpal tunnel, to reduce the damages to suit coat cuffs, to reduce incidences of arthritis, to reduce the pain in the deltoids caused by the strain of signing executive orders on the right side of portfolios, and to stop the attention from the media and bloggers that the president is a lefty, I hereby order as follows:

Section 1. Revocation. Executive Order Right-sided products, is revoked. All executive directives, orders, and regulations inconsistent with this order, including but not limited to those issued to or by the whoever made this decision to have products designed only for right-handed citizens, are revoked to the extent of their inconsistency with this order. Heads of departments and agencies shall take all necessary steps to ensure that all directives, orders, and regulations of their respective departments or agencies are consistent with this order. Upon request, the Attorney General shall provide guidance about which directives, orders, and regulations are inconsistent with this order.


Sec. 3. Standards and Practices for development of products used by body part, hand.

All products developed in or imported into the United States that will require usage by the body part, hand, shall be independently tested by Consumer Reports to prove its effectiveness by usage by the left hand compared to the usage by the right hand. Only products that are rated to have equal effectiveness by both hands and with equal or no discomfort by both hands shall be used within the United States and its territories.

Sec. 4. Prohibition of Certain existing products.

All existing products current in the marketplace or have already been manufactured may be delivered to consumers for a grace period of the next 90 days. After the 90 day period, any products in the marketplace must be returned to the manufacturer for modification of ambidextrous usage or be destroyed.

Sec. 5. Special Interagency Task Force to monitor the enforcement of this executive order.

Establishment of Special Interagency Task Force. There shall be established a Special Task Force to oversee testing by Consumer Reports and the removal of existing products by the end of the grace period.

Sec. 6. Construction with Other Laws. Nothing in this order shall be construed to affect the obligations of officers, employees, and other agents of the United States Government to comply with all pertinent laws and treaties of the United States governing products used in the United States and its Territories. Nothing in this order shall be construed to diminish any rights that any individual may have under these or other laws and treaties. This order is not intended to, and does not, create any right or benefit, substantive or procedural, enforceable at law or in equity against the United States, its departments, agencies, or other entities, its officers or employees, or any other person.

BARACK OBAMA

THE WHITE HOUSE,
January 24, 2009


You know this is satire, right.

Hillary, where is the supply closet?

Do ED meds trigger mental illness symptoms?

I was talking to a Sista the other day and she informed me of several relationships that were in trouble. In all the cases the women were contemplating leaving or have already left their husbands. These marriages ranged in length from 2 years to about 60 years.

Unfortunately it was not surprising that the marriages were in trouble. The troubling issue was the cause of breakups. In each case, the husbands had demonstrated or had been diagnosed with mental problem, such as depression, paranoia, and hallucinations.

We wondered why it seems there are more cases than usual and only the men were inflicted. She posed a question that made me wonder, 'Could erectile dysfunction medication trigger mental illness symptoms?'. She had no evidence that any of the men had this ailment, it was just a thought since there is a bombardment of commercials for ED.

I have done some Googling and not have found anything to substantiate a positive response to that question, but then again there wouldn't be if no one has done the research.

So what do you think? Does this question have any merit?

From a Yankee to a Dixie Gal

my fave pic from mom's garden
As a dear friend plans to move her family from the New England area to the Land of the Dixie, I feel it is my duty to assist in the preparation of sticker shock.
They may be some things that we understand naturally that her family needs to know beforehand. I will try my best to list as many as I recall from the differences I discovered while working one winter in Chicago.

1) When offered ‘tea’, assume it will be sweetened, sometimes twice as much as necessary.
2) Expect dinner rolls to warm and coated in honey butter
3) There are only two seasons, HOT and NOT SO HOT. You may get one week of what you may call winter, but rare. I haven’t seen my parka since I left The Windy City in early 2000.
4) Don’t expect snow. You may get flurries, even some accumulation, but it will be a memory in two days.
5) You may think that triple-digit weather is bearable, but you must take into account the high humidity. Every day can be a bad hair day. Ponytails are common.
6) You will have BUGS, not insects, year-round, especially skittas (mosquitos) and gnats.
7) You may be accustomed to sandy soil. Especially in Georgia, you will have red clay. It’s staining, mushy, and will definitely kill your plants if not properly prepared.
8) If you do not have outdoor allergies, you will develop them. Since no Winter, plants and grasses can bloom all year
9) States are bigger. It may take you days to drive across them.
10) Southerners are NOSY. We will know your entire family history at first meeting. You will not need a video security system, everyone will know who’s been to your house, just ask. And no need to order the local paper. Folks will tell you everything you’ll need to know, even if you did not ask.

It may take some time before you are fully converted. Hubby has been here since 1988. He has given up the Indians for the Braves, Browns for the Falcons, but still wants Fried Fish and RICE. One day he’ll be converted to Fish-n-Grits.

And please don’t be like Cousin Vinny, “What’s a Grit?

Pork vs Beef vs Education

compliments of @tokyosteven on Twitter

OK so the other day we had an office picnic. All kinds of food were provided – hot dogs, hamburgers, sides, desserts and they even roasted a pig! When we were in line, the hot dogs were next to the barbecue. Now, being allergic to poultry and knowing that most hot dogs are made with chicken, I asked the girl (who had helped in preparing all the food, even so far as pulling the barbecue off of the pig) if the hot dogs were 100% beef. She looked a bit dumbfounded. “That’s OK. I was just asking because I’m allergic,” I mentioned.

“Well, I don’t know if they’re 100% beef or not, but I know THAT is!” She pointed over at the barbecue.

Oh really? “No, it’s not,” I said calmly.

“Oh yes it is!” She was starting to get upset.

“I can guarantee you it’s not beef,” I suggested.

“I know for a fact it is!” she shot back.

OK, I figured it was time to let her off the hook. I leaned over and half whispered, “Beef comes from a cow. Pork comes from a pig.”

She blushed and made up some excuse about being tired. Everyone had a good laugh.

A few days later, I saw her again and we rode the elevator together. She saw the to-go cup I was carrying and asked about my lunch. I told her that I had been to a local barbecue restaurant and then added, “I had their 100% beef pork barbecue.”

“Mmm, that sounds nice,” she said complacently.

Some folks never learn. Honestly, I was just trying to bust her chops in the elevator. But in the end, I still don’t know if they’re beef chops or pork chops.