Saturday, January 24, 2009

Obama signs "South Paw" Executive Order


By the authority vested in me by the Constitution and the laws of the United States of America, in order to reduce the chances of carpal tunnel, to reduce the damages to suit coat cuffs, to reduce incidences of arthritis, to reduce the pain in the deltoids caused by the strain of signing executive orders on the right side of portfolios, and to stop the attention from the media and bloggers that the president is a lefty, I hereby order as follows:

Section 1. Revocation. Executive Order Right-sided products, is revoked. All executive directives, orders, and regulations inconsistent with this order, including but not limited to those issued to or by the whoever made this decision to have products designed only for right-handed citizens, are revoked to the extent of their inconsistency with this order. Heads of departments and agencies shall take all necessary steps to ensure that all directives, orders, and regulations of their respective departments or agencies are consistent with this order. Upon request, the Attorney General shall provide guidance about which directives, orders, and regulations are inconsistent with this order.

Sec. 3. Standards and Practices for development of products used by body part, hand.

All products developed in or imported into the United States that will require usage by the body part, hand, shall be independently tested by Consumer Reports to prove its effectiveness by usage by the left hand compared to the usage by the right hand. Only products that are rated to have equal effectiveness by both hands and with equal or no discomfort by both hands shall be used within the United States and its territories.

Sec. 4. Prohibition of Certain existing products.

All existing products current in the marketplace or have already been manufactured may be delivered to consumers for a grace period of the next 90 days. After the 90 day period, any products in the marketplace must be returned to the manufacturer for modification of ambidextrous usage or be destroyed.

Sec. 5. Special Interagency Task Force to monitor the enforcement of this executive order.

Establishment of Special Interagency Task Force. There shall be established a Special Task Force to oversee testing by Consumer Reports and the removal of existing products by the end of the grace period.

Sec. 6. Construction with Other Laws. Nothing in this order shall be construed to affect the obligations of officers, employees, and other agents of the United States Government to comply with all pertinent laws and treaties of the United States governing products used in the United States and its Territories. Nothing in this order shall be construed to diminish any rights that any individual may have under these or other laws and treaties. This order is not intended to, and does not, create any right or benefit, substantive or procedural, enforceable at law or in equity against the United States, its departments, agencies, or other entities, its officers or employees, or any other person.


January 24, 2009

You know this is satire, right.


  1. I hope that Obama help all the folks that are needing help.....not just blacks!!

    Yep, I got a neeeeeeeew president

  2. I find this measure very discriminatory against right-handed folks. Congress will have to over turn this with passing contrary legislation and or not funding...

    Right handed voted for Obama just as lefties did. Ain't I a citizen?

    And what about the ambidextrous crowd? Does this take away their right to Choose? Not enough to be grandfather in...


  3. Very well thought out and crafted for you to get all that out of him being a lefty. That shows utter brilliance.

  4. Oyin
    He can't do it alone. It will take all of us to do a little something, together it is a big something.

    How can it be discriminatory againgst right-handed citizens. As stated in the Executive Order, only products that are rated to have equal effectiveness by both hands and with equal or no discomfort by both hands shall be used within the United States and its territories.

    Rich Fitzgerald
    Thank You. Though I'm biased by being a lefty too, it was fun.

  5. Love your blogposts..and the name of your blog..It's a Southern thang!!
    Yes ! Yes! my sentiments exactly!
    Let's represent the south in a posotive light!
    I would love for you to read my book
    Reflections of a Mississippi Magnolia-A Life in Poems and possibly do a blogpost about what you thought.
    I think that you would really enjoy the book. It is "a true celebration of the south and things southern."

    Check out my website for more details.

  6. u wrong for that u know i was finna say he wasting our tax loot if this was for real lol

  7. Patricia Neely-Dorsey
    Thanks, I am what I am. A southerner.
    I'm behind on my reading, but add you to my reading to do list.

    Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T

  8. South Paws across the U.S. unite! This is our President. We stick our chests out and chant "Yes We Can". Did ya hear that? It's the South Paw President shattering the glass pen. He has paved the way. He has paved the way. lol


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