Cookout vs. Grilling vs. BBQ

As the summer approaches, outdoor cooking and eating is more prevalent. Recently stated to me, "what the South calls Grilling, the North calls BBQ" made me wonder what exactly each mean. Now, a cookout seems to cover all. The meal is prepared outdoors using heat supplied via gas, charcoal, or wood, followed by consumption outdoors too. 
Grilling adds specifics to the way of cooking, differentiating from open pit and campfire. There are gas grills, charcoal grills, and smoker grills with wood smoke boxes. To me, this isn't a BBQ.
A BBQ is an event, it includes grilling (ribs, chicken, hot dogs, hamburgers), eating outdoors, family, friends, music, games, joy and laughter.

Yesterday we had a BBQ.  Hubby grilled several slabs of ribs, sausages, hot dogs, and chicken. Also he prepared his "original" baked beans and BBQ sauce, while I prepared the cole slaw and managed the cleanup as-you-go.  We hung out in the garage where the kids went back and forth from sitting with us and playing games to frequent bike rides.  The garage was convenient for protection from the scattered rain showers we had all day. For some, this may be called a BBQ, but for me, the addition of music tops off the definition.  Music can be live, cd, mp3, or even streamed as we did.  But the significance is how the music was provided.  Hubby ran new speaker wire from his amp to an old speaker, piping the music streamed from Pandora through my phone connected to the amp and the indoor speakers and now outdoor speaker in the garage.  Later in the day, a neighbor and his dog joined us to finish off the day.

Now that is what a BBQ is to me.  What does it mean to you?

Blogoversary #2 ADHD: Fact or Fiction

It's surprising to believe that it's been two years since I started this blog.  So many elements have changed in my life since this blog was started which resulted in reduction of my post frequency.  It is not that I had not wanted to write, it was a matter of schedule.  I've realized more lately that since I started writing a few years ago, writing is a part of me and I must incorporate it in my life just as much as what I do for my family.  This is something that I must do for myself, for my sanity, for my soul.  I renew this journey with this post.

Once again the topic of ADHD has come close to home.  As with many unfamiliar topics, I've spent many hours researching to learn as much as I can for an informed understanding.  Much of this research has been online medical based articles, but some were on forums.  I've also had direct conversation with parents of children diagnosed with this condition and some that have not.  From this research, I learned the heart behind this condition. 
There are some who believe that this condition does not exist, that this is just children behaving normally, or acceptable teenage behavior that they'll grow out of it, or adults that should know better.  'Parents just want to drug their children because they don't want to do what is necessary to be parents.'  'It's just "boys being boys"'.  To this group, I hope you are right if your child exhibits this behavior.  I hope you have not missed an opportunity to treat your child offering them a calmer, more focused life.

There are those who believe that the condition exists, but won't allow pharmaceutical treatment for fear of the propaganda that's been spread of the side effects. To this group I understand your feelings as I too have heard them and drawn fear.  I could never watch my child walk around scrawny and in a doped daze.  But as with most medications, there are side effects.  Some are temporary and others are persistent.  As many do with pain and allergy medicine, when one doesn't work as effective or have undesirable side effects, we try another.

There are also those to choose to seek a positive solution by any means available, including pharmaceutics.  To this group, I do not believe pharmaceutics would be your first choice of a solution nor even your second.  I believe you would have tried many means of behavior adjustment, such as scolding, removal of favorite entertainment, bribery, counseling, home remedies, and even ignore in hopes it would go away.

And there are those who are a mixture of any of these.

In any case, I don't see how one can stand in judgment of another without being in their situation.  Being able to see they one face the daily battle of completing the simplest of tasks?  Being there to watch a child call oneself 'STUPID' for not being able to grasp skills mastered by others and for making impulsive actions knowing later that it should not have been done.  I can understand how a parent watching their child's grades and self-esteem exponentially decrease would try any means available to help their child. I know living this would break my heart.

For those who pass judgment of others' methods, I hope you will take the time to understand them.

Tonight on RAW DAWG BUFFALO RADIO #BlogTalkRadio

'Parenting in 2010' 11PM EST on Raw Dawg Buffalo Radio #BlogTalkRadio - http://tobtr.com/s/905932 (call-in anytime during show # 347-324-5722)
I expect it to be a "lively" show.

NERD:To Be or Not To Be

Listening to The Michael Baisden Show (10.14.2009) after work the other day, the topic was 'Dumb It Down'. It was heartbreaking to hear about kids being tormented for getting good grades. After picking up son, before letting him hear the show, I asked him if anyone bothered him about his grades. He said 'Yes'. With this kid, we had to immediately talk about it. While in preschool, he thought his name was 'Benjamin Is Smart' because he heard the phrase so many times from his teachers. In first grade, he once wore my mother's eyeglasses (with bifocals) to school because students were calling him a nerd and he thought nerds were supposed to wear glasses. I made him feel better by informing him that I, along with my friends, were considered nerds and we all NOW are doing quite well.
He's now in third grade and first term at a new school. He said that along with a few others, he was being ridiculed for receiving A's. It shocked me to know that there are 'B', 'C', and 'D' gangs. Since no 'A' gang, he was feeling isolated. I reminded him of my "nerdiness" and that the President and First Lady are both considered the same. He felt so much better and doesn't plan to "Dumb Down" at all, but plans to "get his". I'm so thankful he has the strength to not let others diminish his goals.

This morning I watched a segment on CBS Sunday Morning about nerds. I tried to remember if I was bothered in school about my grades or being a nerd. I do not recall any specific taunts, so I just checked my grades to see if I could notice a pattern. (My mother kept an album for all my report cards, certificates, and notices of excellence from 1st to 12th grade.) Excluding handwriting (lol), I had A's and B's from 1st to 4th grade. Something happened in 5th grade. I started Reading and Mathematics on 4th grade level with C's. During the 3rd and 4th grading periods, I moved up to 5th levels for both areas having B's in the last grading period. Finishing Reading with a final B average, but not enough for Math, ending with a C average. A note in my record that I could not receive an A or B when I was below average.

The progression continued in the 6th grade. Reading started on proper level with B's then to A's, but also excelled to 7th grade level with A's. Mathematics was on proper level with B's. In 7th grade, I was on 8th grade level in reading with B's and mathematics from B's to A's on proper level.

Looking at the pattern I had to think back for anything that happened to lower my grades in 4th and excellence in 5th grade. I do remember being teased that I didn't wear trendy clothing and I was not popular, but not which year. That could have been the cause. The only significant incident I can remember in the 5th grade was the ONLY fight I've ever had in my life. It started in recess with a "trouble-maker" (MT) began teasing me in a crowd of my classmates. Normally this didn't affect me but the addition of a "friend" joining them must have hurt and weakened my self-control. MT began to laugh and point a finger in my face, a BIG NO-NO! I recall pushing her hand out of my face. It was ON from that point. I lost complete control. I recall seeing my arms swinging can't recall any emotion. Also I recall pushing the PE teacher away and continuing. I have no recollection of how it was stopped.

Not known for getting in trouble, I was given a pass and not even sent to the principal's office. Ironically, MT later wanted to be friends and many others left me alone.
It's sad, but I'm glad it happened. It appears to have shaped what I am today and helps me guide my son through all he has faced and what he may face in the future.

2nd Time Around, Part 3, Final Chapter

Continued from Part 2...


I didn't mention earlier that I was spontaneously asked to be the Mistress of Service for our Sunday Service program. Spontaneous as in, Cousin Tina asked me from the front of the meeting hall as I sat at a table in the middle of the room, a room filled with our ENTIRE family. There was no way for me to decline. During the procession of the program I realized that my breathing wasn't as strong as normal. Thank goodness I declined from participating in the family choir.

I thought no more of this until later at home while unloading the truck; i felt the same weakness again. Once settled I read over the printed antibiotic prescription information that I mistakenly left home. I began to wonder if Hubby was correct in thinking the medicine had caused the additional symptoms, not the infection. I had one more day of pills to take and still had the recurring fever and chills. Not normal.

After several moments of contemplation, I decided to call my doctor's office. She suggested I go to the emergency room. Since Hubby and son were already in bed and I could tell Hubby was in his "you don't need to go the emergency room" mode, I decided not to press and drive myself. At least I did contact mom and sis to let them know of my plans. They decided that sis will drop off mom and if it turned out to be serious, they would workout getting my car back home.

Mom arrived not long after I completed the check-in process. In the examining room, I began to feel the effects of the last Goody powder wearing off. Being that the last few times I'd been on a hospital gurney I was well medicated, I don't recall noticing how UNCOMFORTABLE a gurney can be. I tossed and turned in the slim excuse of a bed. It took two people find a "good" vein to suck all the blood out of me.
It seemed like hours before I was given any Tylenol for the fever. I figured they wanted to perform all tests prior. By the time the pain reliever took effect well, the doc returned with the results.

Of course, since the doctor is PRACTICING medicine, he had no idea what was wrong. He had eliminated a reaction from the medicine and the initial infection was non-existent. He would have guessed it was something viral, but since I still had the fever, he suggested I had an infection that could not be detected in the tests they had performed. Either I could stay longer and let them take cultures or take a different antibiotic to see if it would knock it out. It was already in the wee hours of the morning, you know what option I chose.

Arriving back home before daylight, I took more Tylenol and went to bed. Thank goodness Hubby and I had taken the week off. Instead of working through our TO DO list, I spent Monday-Thursday either in bed or in my glider-rocker. The second antibiotic worked like a charm; after the first few doses, the fever and chills disappeared. It wasn't until Friday afternoon before I even left the house. At least on Sunday I was able to work on one project on the list.




Of course since returning to my regular madhouse schedule, nothing has been done since. Maybe I'll get more done on my NEXT vacation.

Side Note: Today is my dad's birthday, he would have been 78.

2nd Time Around, Part 2

Continued from Part 1... and pics from cookout

Let's see where was I. Oh yeah..back at the hotel I crawled into bed while Hubby and son visited the pool. With increasing aches and pains and the addition of chills, the plan was to get a little sleep prior to the Meet & Greet session that night. I'd already paid for the accompanying meal. Now I know that no one should fall asleep while watching HBO because you'll never know what you'll wake to and also it could affect your dreams. Since Hubby likes to watch channels like National Geographic and Animal Planet and left the TV on a channel like those, I thought it would be safe, NOT!!! I had disturbing dreams of some anteater-looking animals that normal lived in swamps but occasionally went to land in search of food. They had webbed feet. Needless to say, my sleep wasn't restful.

Later I dragged myself downstairs to the meeting room. Being that it was well after the start time of 8pm, I thought I would be able to say hi to everyone, eat and go back to bed. At this time I thought that was finally feeling the effects of the infection and figured it would clear soon. Exiting the elevator, I saw Hubby relaxing in the lobby with my uncle, not a good sign.

In the meeting room, only about 25% of the fam was there, they were still bringing in the food, and I was STUCK. There was no way I could bail. At least I was given the Family bag of goodies before the rush started. As soon as I received it, Mom (sitting across the room) motioned for me to see inside. There was a sample box of Goody's pain and fever powders. Being a Tylenol fan, I didn't put much thought on it (little did I know then).

After what seemed to be hours, we finally ate. Afterward, Hubby said he would go get some Tylenol for me, if I wanted. The hotel didn't have a convenience shop. Well, I wanted to watch the family slideshow, so I told him I would be up when it was over. He went on upstairs while son and I stayed for the show.

I should have known my family. The slide show of donated pictures was created WITHOUT labeling the images. Almost every slide had a discussion on who was pictured. Son fell asleep before it was over. It was a great idea and hilarious seeing pictures of some folks "young and skinny" who are not now so "young and skinny" .

Back in our room, I returned to find Hubby knocked out. There was no way I would wake him. Hmmm, the Goody powders. I took a dose and went to bed. I had chills when I first crawled in, but must have gotten hot later. By the middle of the night, I had sweat-soaked everything. Thank goodness we had gotten two queen beds and the sleeper. I was spent the second half of the night on the OTHER side of my bed. It was soaked too, by the morning. Hubby would have been miserable if we had gotten a king suite. We did leave good tips, though.

That's how I survived the rest of the reunion and the drive home. Goody powders every six hours allowed me to enjoy the Saturday cookout/fun and games, and the Sunday service and brunch during the days. But still sweating all night. Oh yeah, southern cuz and I did beat the other northern cuz and his wife in three rounds of Horseshoe.



Now throughout all of this, I continued to take the antibiotics. Hubby suggested that I stop since it appeared I was having adverse effects from it. Knowing you're not supposed to stop taking antibiotics, I continued.

Next, Part 3: All night in the emergency room.

2nd Time Around, Part 1

Having the last reunion for this family not turn out as expected, there was hope for a better vacation this year having the reunion planned for the first few days followed by a week off with Hubby to complete many projects around the house. Thursday morning, 1st day of vacation, all was moving along fine even though I was running late to meet at Mom's house. Two days earlier at a physical, I was informed that I had a Urinary Tract infection. Even though I haven't had one since I was in my twenties, I figured it was just a fluke. I started taking the antibiotics that Wednesday night.

I do not recall how far along we were on I-16 before it was noticeable that there may be a problem. Hubby began asking me how I felt. Knowing that I had been living full throttle for months and was on antibiotics, I thought my drowsiness was acceptable and no cause for worry. I must have had that "something is not right" aura, because he continued to ask me how I felt. I was just glad he was doing all the driving while I dozed all the way there.

Thursday evening was uneventful, we picked up supplies from a nearby Kroger and burgers on the way back. Friday morning was fine; breakfast was at a Shoney's Buffet.


For the Black History Tour of Savannah, I thought we were going to be on a "trolley" tour bus, but we were in a fully-loaded 15-passenger van.

It was a great learning experience, in particular visiting the First African Baptist Church. It was cool seeing the memorabilia from the 18th Century.


Outside the church, we stopped at the Haitian Monument. Rode around some more and stopped at what used to be an African school which now is an art gallery and museum. I began to feel a little tired and achy. We even saw the neighborhood that my mom used to live.

The tour was ending later than expected so the driver agreed to take us directly to River Street so we wouldn't miss the boat ride. On the way there, he took us by the holding areas where slaves were kept until they were sold. They looked like open garages in a hillside adjacent to stone streets. I wished we had time to stop and take pictures and contemplate.


After a quick snack, we moved along for the river boat ride along the Savannah River. We had to wait awhile before boarding. It was around that time I realized
that "a little tired and achy" felt more like "exhaustion and painful", but there was no where to go but forward. Once the river boat started, Hubby and I went out to the deck following the kids. The most comfortable seating was on the bow.
Great view, warmth from the Sun and a relaxing breeze. I forgot that I wasn't feeling well, amazing.

Back at the hotel, I realized the worst was yet to come.

Continued in next post.

1st Time Around

The first part of my vacation was to have a relaxing fun time at my maternal grandmother's family reunion. It had to be better than two years ago when our chartered bus broke down TWICE on our way from Savannah GA to Austin TX. The first time was near 4 AM Friday morning somewhere in Mississippi. We all knew a higher power was watching over us because this breakdown began just before the exit for the Rest Area. The driver was able to make it to a decent parking area before the engine stopped. We had rest rooms, vending machines, and several benches in a well lit area. Also during this 20+ hour trip the A/C condensation ONLY dripped over the seats occupied by son and I. Because of the number of travelers, many were able to occupy double seats.
Needless to say, but I will, it was an extremely uncomfortable ride and not the best sleeping arrangements. I was one of the few who were awake and to notice the A/C was not blowing. It got warm quickly in the mid-July heat. After several hours and a patched repair job we were on our way. I was able to get a little sleep once we were on our way, after about an hour, family began to converse around 7 AM.

We were blessed during the second breakdown that Saturday. We were using the chartered bus for the tour of the city. While traveling down a winding, steep slope the bus stopped again directly across the street from a BBQ restaurant, the only level spot we had encountered. While exiting the bus and going to restaurant's parking lot, we saw antifreeze flowing to the embankment. Most of the family ate there, but as our food arrived, hubby, son and I, we had our meal packed since we were told we would be the first group to be shuttled back to the hotel so Hubby could help shuffle family using a cousin's SUV. Didn't work out that way. In the first group, there was only room for Hubby. Son and I stayed and I was in no mood to unpack our meals and eat cold food. We stayed outside as others joined us after they finished their meals.

When Hubby and the other drivers returned, I waited until all the older members had transportation. There was no room for son and I. On the next trip, hours after the first, Hubby made room for us. After traffic delays caused by Lady Bird Johnson's funeral services, we made it back to the hotel and was told another chartered bus was at the restaurant to bring those who were left. Once all was settled, we ate our meals in our room and took naps. By the time we woke and prepared for the banquet that night, the banquet was over.

Sunday's events did not go well either for us. Since many arrived in town via air transportation, many did not have means to travel to the picnic at a park not near the hotel. By the time we packed our bags, checked out of the hotel, the bus was fully loaded. There was no space for all our luggage. Like in all family there are some who can cause you to lose your cool. Since Hubby was an over-the-road driver at the time and had driven the truck there, I took the hotel's luggage cart over to his truck and loaded them there.

When we, son and I, arrived back to the bus, the only seats available were the two front seats held by the drivers of the original bus. We sat there and was hearing flack from a family member that the "DRIVERS" needed to sit there. I was getting so ticked off that I said (to myself) that the next person to say anything about us sitting there, I was going to exit the bus and go get in Hubby's truck, forget the rules that he did not have permission for any riders in the truck. It was that or say something that Grandma shouldn't here. Luckily all was quiet.

I can't recall what it was but another short-straw event happened again at the park. This time it was all I could take. I took a walk alone around the park to get myself together. By the time I rounded the area and arrived near the bus, my mom and one of her sisters met me wondering what was the problem. I told them all that had happened. In an effort to appease me, they encouraged me to select seats for the ride home. The rest of the picnic "seemed" like the horrible luck had ended.

When we left on the bus, Hubby left out too for his next route assignment. Sometime that night, somewhere in Louisiana, we met up with another bus that was to take us back to Savannah. It was a little smaller than the others, so seats were limited. I chose seats almost exactly where we were on the first bus.

All was well until we got on a not-so-smooth roadway. The window next to our seats began to pop open on one end when we hit the hardest bumps. GREAT!!! Being undone, I said nothing until we arrived back in Savannah. I told the driver, who immediately checked the window. One or two of the security clips were broken and only one clip was left holding the window closed. He thanked me for informing him and said he would get it repaired.

This was in July 2007. I was glad the next reunion was voted to be in Savannah in 2009. No bus ride necessary, but it did not go as planned also. Next post.

End Of Days is here

I had no idea of how well of a fictional writer I was until yesterday. Last week I wrote Brawl at Summer Camp not knowing that son would be involved in an altercation this week. The incident was not as involved as my imagination had portrayed, it was just him and an older girl. I can’t cite the details as I do not know yet the full story. Basically niece did not budge when she watched a portion of incident and she joined the defense of the girl.

Whether it was “divine intervention”, “Lord works in mysterious ways”, or just coincidence, as some may feel, but it was a blessing that Sis needed me to drop off niece to Mom’s on my way home. In the approximate 10 minutes drive, their incessant bickering pushed me to my “I’m turning the both of you over to Grandma” limit.

In a way, Mom was pleased we had the opportunity to get to the heart of the HATE portion of their LOVE/HATE relationship. It took some prying but we were able to force verbalization of their feelings for one another. Whether it’s called the “Devil”, “Satan”, or “Anti-Christ”, the name doesn’t matter, but what they had to understand is that they are following it instead of God and the teachings of Jesus. A person can’t follow both evil AND good as they are opposite.

It was emotional for me as for 7 ½ months, they lived in my home as siblings. Both agreed that their friction increased during that time. It should have been expected as both had prior lived as an “only” child in a household and then had to adjust to sharing time, space, and attention from “parent(s)”. In some aspect their relationship did grow as they had someone readily for playtime when indoors, even though they wouldn’t admit it.

Thankfully, after techniques of role-reversal and eye-contact communication, they both admitted that they loved the other, but frequently disliked each other. It was a start.

This situation applies to not just them but our society. There is so much hatred and no love for the fellow person. This hatred does not always personify as physical violence, there is ignorance of homeless, spread of sexual diseases, bigotry, envy, road-rage, and something simple as negative assumptions.

In reference to the “End of Days” as written in the Book of Revelation in the Holy Bible, some recant the time as the physical destruction of the world, but what about the destruction of Love. It would seem that this destruction should matter more as this physical world does not exist in Heaven.

We pray that ‘thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven”, but can we ever expect “peace on Earth”?

And then there were 3 (post #100)

It's coincidental that the topic of my 100th post relates to one written almost 50 posts ago, the arrival of my niece for temporary residence into our home.

Although, not all goals were achieved, there were many accomplishments in areas of personal growth and confidence, diet and exercise, and chore routines. We desired more effectiveness in her academics, but it is difficult or just mere impossible to help someone that rarely allows you to assist. Perhaps with more time and different academic environment, the results would have been different. As a slight consolation we had to remember, not all could have been expected in a mere seven months.

Last Friday was the last day of her school term and she moved back home. We pray that any positive experiences she had in our home, she will remember and incorporate them in her journey to be a successful young woman.

To my surprise, my son has not expressed much sadness for her departure, being that she was like a sibling to him. He had grown more than I thought.

We miss you already, De-De.

Aunt Ne-Ne

Should I Get Married?

I've been working on this post for about a month, not quite getting my thoughts together. As this day approached I felt the timing would be appropriate for this post for the subject matter. Today is mine and Hubby's 11th Wedding Anniversary.

The original post started like this:

This is not a question for me, but for some, it is. There are many situations where this question is being contemplated. A thirties-couple where one knows they love the other, knows that the other would do their best for him/her, but there's still hesitation. A late-twenties couple has been seeing each other sporadically over the years producing a child now almost pre-teen and recently another child, but they've never married. Another couple in early twenties who has had volatile lifestyle years, recently produced a child and now wants to marry to "do the right thing". A teenage couple expecting their second child with barely any means to support themselves, excluding any children.

In all cases, this decision is to not be taken lightly. With the increasing divorce rates in this country, one could wonder WHY? Why should they get married? I am not writing this an an authoritative on the matter, but from experience, mine as hubby and I were a couple for almost two years before we became engaged, the another two years before married. Next month will be our 11th anniversary, and from the relationships of others I know personally.

After today's events, my thoughts have taken a different direction. This morning, the plans for the day were for son to attend his school's gospel concert practice while I spent some time at a salon for a manicure and pedicure. Hubby worked night shift and was participating in deep slumber. For the anniversary celebration, we were to have a family dinner tonight with the three of us. Niece is spending time with other family members.

Amazing how quickly plans changed. As I ATTEMPTED to drive in reverse up my driveway, I felt something wasn't right. I stopped. Looking ahead tire marks scarred the concrete. I pulled ahead back to previous parking spot. It felt like the car was dragging something. Exiting the car, I noticed behind more tire marks. Immediate thoughts of locking wheels. As I rounded the front, there sat a COMPLETELY flattened tire.

At this moment, we were a 30-minute drive away from the church where son had to be in 30 minutes. I ran in the house, woke hubby, asking he had plans for his car. Being the person he is, he sleepily began getting out of bed to address the situation. I quickly transferred our travel stuff and left in his car.

Returning about an hour and a half later, hubby had just completed replacing the flat with the mini-tire and was preparing to go with me to Sears Auto Center. This was surprising since he had only a few hours of sleep.

The day was rearranged. By the time we would arrive to town it would have been soon time to pick up son. To fill the time, hubby suggested we TV shop. So we did (not purchase yet), then picked up son. Now I am not the person to sit in an auto center shop with a kid while waiting on service. I had hubby drop me off at Mom's while they did their "father/son" thing.

Arriving later with TWO fresh new tires, apparently another was needed, I soon left with them for an anniversary lunch instead of dinner. It was too early for the Japanese restaurant (the only one in town that matters), so we opted for steak at Longhorn's Steakhouse.

As I sit here now writing this post, hubby is sleeping, son is playing race car along the back of the sofa, over my shoulders and through my hair, gorgeous sunlight beams through the windows, I reflect upon the blessings of the day.

1. Hubby said there was a nail in the tire. We have no idea when the nail first punctured it, but at the speed of the flat, we suspect it happened on the way home last night well after dark. Son and I had spent the evening with family and friends. Hubby had gone to work on night shift. The last half of my drive home is rural, two-lane and not well lit. There are plenty of unfortunate places we could have been stranded, but we had arrived home safely.

2. After only a few hours of sleep, hubby spent the day making sure my car was right. Ensuring safe travels for son and I.

3. The three of us were able to have a lovely family meal together away from home, a rare treat because of our conflicting schedules.

When people discuss marriage, many times the same issues are discussed, finances, parenting, roles, etc., but there are so many precious moments in life that must be remembered. Sacrifices for those you love "Just Because" you love them. Cherishing every second cause you'll never know how many more you will have together.

To those contemplating marriage, think hard on what you are willing to give, what you are expecting in return, and how well you can adjust to meet the needs of your potential spouse. Marriage is a joining of spirits. There is no losing of one's self, but a blending of two. What you do for your spouse is what you are doing for yourself.


Happy Anniversary, Hubby! Thank you for all you do.
Sista GP

We are proud Aunt and Uncle

Niece received her report card this week also. We did not expect the same grades as our son, since one of the reasons she is living with us is to improve on her academics.

Despite the fact that Hubby and I have been trying to figure out what have been going on in her classrooms because she doesn't have any homework, we were pleasantly surprised with her progress.

In two of her classes, the second grading period grades were 5 points higher than the first grading period. One class was 7 points higher and another one was exceptionally 15 points higher.

The joy I feel is just as great as for my son but different. She had to work significantly harder to achieve those marks. It's a little validation that the decision to have her with us was a positive one.

We still have a way to go, but this is a wonderful start.

Off the hook in 2009 (follow-up)

Thanks for the great comments the original post.

Here is my new plan that has organization, rewards and penalties.

Each child will receive a list of daily/weekly chores. For each week, the child could earn up to a specific maximum amount. For any chore that was not completed, a set amount would be deducted from the maximum potential amount. The net earned income would then be paid.
Each week the shared chores would be swapped with the other child.

Sample shared chores:
Kitchen duty (tables/floor/garbage)
Bathroom duty (cleaning/tidying)
Laundry duty (folding/put away)
1st Bath duty (yes, they argue over who's last)

Sample individual chores:
Bedroom floors clear at bedtime and before school
Beds made each morning
Be home before streetlights fully lit
Clear yard of toys/games each day

This may actually work. The other day, son (age 7) griped when I told him to fold the cleaned laundry. He perked when I told him that I would pay him. He seemed cool about the idea of swapping duties each week. Niece, age 11, doesn't know about this yet. She's been at a weekend sleep-over.

Hope this works...

Off the hook in 2009

I must be a softy. Son and niece had been on punishment since mid-November. The deal was that they would have it gradually reduced if they consistently did their chores and followed household rules without reminder.
Well, it did not work as I planned. They did earn back their TV privileges and access to satellite, but no bikes and permission to leave the yard.

As a gift for the new year, I have postponed their "sentences" indefinitely. The punishment was sustained so long, it became a way of life. It wasn't punishment anymore.

Now I trying to think of a new approach to encourage these young'uns to want to follow rules and behave responsibly.

Any suggestions?

Giving Thanks for Blessings and Awards, Part 3

I have been working on this three-part post for almost two weeks. Having put in 12 hours OT last week, hosting family and friends for the holiday, and then finally taking some recommended rest, did not leave much time for blogging and twittering.

It was great having everyone here. My Mom was estatic she had her mom, all her sisters, her children and grandchildren under one roof. My older brother and a friend flew into the ATL and drove down here. My younger brother and his family made a day-trip from the ATL. Grandma and aunts drove in from Savannah, GA and the rest were from this area. We had 18 in all out of the expected 19. There could have been at least 10 more from Savannah, but they were not able to come.

It was a long tiresome day, but a true blessing that we all could share it on the first Thanksgiving in my new home.

Here a few pics of the fixings...

Giving Thanks for Blessings and Awards, Part 1

Even though I do it all year, it's great to dedicate a special time to give thanks to the Lord for all the Blessings in your life. That is what this holiday is for me. Giving sincere thought and thanks for that I have been blessed within the previous year.

A few highlights...
After being on my own for 10 years and having to go back and live at Mom's (heavenly thankful) for 5 years, we were blessed to be in our own home again.

Both hubby and I have recovered well with the diverse medical procedures we had in the past few months.

At school, son is finally being successful in conduct along with his usual academics.

We are blessed with the opportunity to help my niece live in a stable productive enviromnent.

My mom (in her sixties) is well as usual. Since we moved out in May, she has painted the walls and refinished the hardwood floor in room hubby and I stayed, refinished an antique bed and dresser for that room, painted ceiling and wallpapered the bathroom my family used, and now just finished painting the ceiling and hallway leading to our rooms. Great Role Model.

A few weeks ago, became a (step) grandmother to a beautiful baby girl. (pics later)

There are many more, but these were just a few.

things happen for a reason

We may not understand why events occur when they do. So many of them shape our lives in preparation for what we must one day face and conquer. We must accept them as blessings to a more divine end.

For two years non-continuously starting the summer 2006, we searched for a new home. We dealt with non-responsive realtors, over-priced resale homes, non-spacious new construction homes, and many homes in fair to poor conditions. Twice invested in home inspections. I say invested because critical problems were found in each.

When son started kindergarten his behavior problems occupied much of my time, the home search time was drastically reduced. A year later we started to actively search again when a home was offered for sale on the same street as my mom. This sparked out interest again. Eventually we found a new realtor who worked with us until the end.

We never suspected to live so far from town (job, school); we sought a location where hubby could park the tractor part of his truck (over the road driver). We found a lot in a great neighborhood close to what is known to be best elementary school in county. Two months after moving in, hubby was offered an opportunity to make shuttle runs and to be home daily instead of bi-weekends. He took it.

Now, as of last Friday, unfortunate circumstances has led my niece to be living with us until at least to the end of the school year. It is a true blessing that we are able to provide her a stable, productive environment where she can make achievements in academics, physical and emotional health, and personal well-being.

We soared over a major hurdle already, fractions. She started with a frown and "I hate fractions!" to a glowing grin when she finally understood. She is as proud of herself as I am of her.

There is not much concern for the kids behavior towards each other. Since both have had limited interactions with their half-siblings, they have always treated each other as such.

It is amazing to me how the daily occupants of this household has doubled in just three months time. Adjustments will need to be made from all of us, we are willing to give this honest try.

Not sure how much time I will have for blogging, but I suspect writing, which is new to me, will be my vice for peace of mind.

So the saying is true, "Things Do Happen For A Reason"

i'm no Michelle or Coretta

I maintain full-time employment to contribute to our household.
I prepare our meals to sustain our dietary needs.
I perform the duties of maintaining the cleanliness of our home.
I nurture our child with all I have to give as a mother.
I satisfy your physical needs with all I have to give as a wife.

I do this all for the love and sake of our family.

Why do you need to compare me to Michelle Obama?
Why do you need to compare me to Coretta Scott King?

They are exceptional women. They are who they are because they follow no other.

Look at me for who I am and what I do.

I am no Super Woman, I am not Every Woman, I am me.

would have been 77

As I unpacked yesterday in a urge to finally clear out boxes in my office. I opened a box of old books. I did not peruse them to see who they belonged to, but assumed they belonged to hubby since they were biblical study in nature.

After arriving from work, hubby looked at a few and said they were not his.

Puzzled, I opened one, Matthew Henry's COMMENTARY ON THE WHOLE BIBLE VOL. VI., and immediately saw my father's name and the address of his aunt's house. It is where he lived before he purchased the home for my mom a few months before they were married. This book was over 45 years old. The other addresses were my parents' first home and the address were I was raised.

Oddly, there was no copyright. I was able to find out that the original text was published in 1706. I am now intrigued. I have sent a message to the publising house. Hopefully someone will call me back.

Some of the other texts I found of his are ...
Bible Readings for the Home, 1949
James Moffatt, The Bible, A New Translation, several copyrights up to 1954
The Lost Books of the Bible, 1926

Now there were a few books that should belong to one of my brothers. I doubt they were apart of my father's collection and all of my old books and school texts have not been unpacked yet.

J.R.R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings, PART ONE and PART TWO
Stephen Demko, Primer for Linear Algebra

Ironic or coincidental, books that will provide another perspective into my father's life, are found on his would have been 77th birthday.

Happy Birthday Dad!

palin's rant: gotta get this off my chest now!

I am starting this post now before Palin completes her speech. I have avoided political posts, but I have to get this out tonight as I suspect this will cause me sleep loss if I don't.

How does Palin get the nerve to exploit her baby's syndrome as a means to get votes? ... to parents of special needs children... you have an advocate in the White House... What a load of crock?

If she is so for Special Needs children, why is she tramping off on the campaign trail and leaving her 4-5 month old special needs child in care of others. Her youngest daughter was shown using her own SPIT to smooth out the baby's hair on international television. Maybe she is going to drag these kids around with her forfeiting them a stable daily environment.

How dare she parade her family to the world when her daughter is going to need tremendous help and support in the near future. Her time is going to be limited, therefore, she will be mostly unavailable. Maybe she has been promised taxpayers will take care of her kids.

And her jokes are lame.

I can't believe I stayed up for this, but after watching most of the DNC, I wanted to base my opinion of the GOP by watching the RNC instead of reading others commentary.

Thank goodness it is over...GOOD NIGHT!!

UPDATE: MIDNIGHT
Can't sleep yet.

At a time when many families wished their loved ones hadn't returned from the war in bodybags or pineboxes, she had the audacity to parade her son's deployment and nephew's tour. Again, a ploy for more votes at the sacrifice of own children.

Another thing, WTH have the boy who knocked up your child paraded along with the rest of your "family"? If he was so important, why did she not introduce him? She just skipped over him as if he did not exist. She could have introduced him as a future son-in-law. I noticed her daughter made a conscious effort to keep holding his hand.
We will see how long this farse will last.

Maybe if she hadn't went on her, "I love McCain" rant, followed by her lame attempts to discredit Obama and Biden, and then ticking me off in her "here is my average family" monologue, I would have had the focus to listen to the issues portion of her speech instead of starting this post. Maybe her speech writer thought she would appeal to mothers, but NOT this one.

I try to go to sleep now...