Saturday, April 25, 2009

Should I Get Married?

I've been working on this post for about a month, not quite getting my thoughts together. As this day approached I felt the timing would be appropriate for this post for the subject matter. Today is mine and Hubby's 11th Wedding Anniversary.

The original post started like this:
This is not a question for me, but for some, it is. There are many situations where this question is being contemplated. A thirties-couple where one knows they love the other, knows that the other would do their best for him/her, but there's still hesitation. A late-twenties couple has been seeing each other sporadically over the years producing a child now almost pre-teen and recently another child, but they've never married. Another couple in early twenties who has had volatile lifestyle years, recently produced a child and now wants to marry to "do the right thing". A teenage couple expecting their second child with barely any means to support themselves, excluding any children.

In all cases, this decision is to not be taken lightly. With the increasing divorce rates in this country, one could wonder WHY? Why should they get married? I am not writing this an an authoritative on the matter, but from experience, mine as hubby and I were a couple for almost two years before we became engaged, the another two years before married. Next month will be our 11th anniversary, and from the relationships of others I know personally.

After today's events, my thoughts have taken a different direction. This morning, the plans for the day were for son to attend his school's gospel concert practice while I spent some time at a salon for a manicure and pedicure. Hubby worked night shift and was participating in deep slumber. For the anniversary celebration, we were to have a family dinner tonight with the three of us. Niece is spending time with other family members.

Amazing how quickly plans changed. As I ATTEMPTED to drive in reverse up my driveway, I felt something wasn't right. I stopped. Looking ahead tire marks scarred the concrete. I pulled ahead back to previous parking spot. It felt like the car was dragging something. Exiting the car, I noticed behind more tire marks. Immediate thoughts of locking wheels. As I rounded the front, there sat a COMPLETELY flattened tire.

At this moment, we were a 30-minute drive away from the church where son had to be in 30 minutes. I ran in the house, woke hubby, asking he had plans for his car. Being the person he is, he sleepily began getting out of bed to address the situation. I quickly transferred our travel stuff and left in his car.

Returning about an hour and a half later, hubby had just completed replacing the flat with the mini-tire and was preparing to go with me to Sears Auto Center. This was surprising since he had only a few hours of sleep.

The day was rearranged. By the time we would arrive to town it would have been soon time to pick up son. To fill the time, hubby suggested we TV shop. So we did (not purchase yet), then picked up son. Now I am not the person to sit in an auto center shop with a kid while waiting on service. I had hubby drop me off at Mom's while they did their "father/son" thing.

Arriving later with TWO fresh new tires, apparently another was needed, I soon left with them for an anniversary lunch instead of dinner. It was too early for the Japanese restaurant (the only one in town that matters), so we opted for steak at Longhorn's Steakhouse.

As I sit here now writing this post, hubby is sleeping, son is playing race car along the back of the sofa, over my shoulders and through my hair, gorgeous sunlight beams through the windows, I reflect upon the blessings of the day.

1. Hubby said there was a nail in the tire. We have no idea when the nail first punctured it, but at the speed of the flat, we suspect it happened on the way home last night well after dark. Son and I had spent the evening with family and friends. Hubby had gone to work on night shift. The last half of my drive home is rural, two-lane and not well lit. There are plenty of unfortunate places we could have been stranded, but we had arrived home safely.

2. After only a few hours of sleep, hubby spent the day making sure my car was right. Ensuring safe travels for son and I.

3. The three of us were able to have a lovely family meal together away from home, a rare treat because of our conflicting schedules.

When people discuss marriage, many times the same issues are discussed, finances, parenting, roles, etc., but there are so many precious moments in life that must be remembered. Sacrifices for those you love "Just Because" you love them. Cherishing every second cause you'll never know how many more you will have together.

To those contemplating marriage, think hard on what you are willing to give, what you are expecting in return, and how well you can adjust to meet the needs of your potential spouse. Marriage is a joining of spirits. There is no losing of one's self, but a blending of two. What you do for your spouse is what you are doing for yourself.

Happy Anniversary, Hubby! Thank you for all you do.
Sista GP


  1. Today is my wedding anniversary TOOO!

  2. "Marriage is a joining of spirits. There is no losing of one's self, but a blending of two. What you do for your spouse is what you are doing for yourself".

    How profoundly BEAUTIFUL!

    Happy Anniversary!

  3. First of all, congrats on 11 years of marriage. :) Secondly, excellent post and thoughts on making a marriage successful.

  4. Marriage is one thing, a union is another. They both will part if those involed lose the art of open and honest communication. Is there a right time to get married? Sure, but for the most part, we never really know our mate until we are in that union. hopefully we've taken the time to learn as much about them as we can prior to the marriage. But as life turns a bevy of circumstanes will arise: values, character, anger and how each handles it, his family, your family, goals, decline in physical appearance, child raising issues, money, personal dislikes, religion, kool-aid or water ...

    It takes 2 to tango and sometimes the music stops. Your question was valid, it's best to know what dance floor we are talking about prior to stepping on it.

    Congratulations on your 11 years

  5. Happy Anniversary Sista GP and Husband!

    Best wishes to you both in you journey of love and devotion.

    I enjoyed reading your insightful thoughts.


  6. I truly enjoyed your post. Intrepidblackwoman and I are approaching our 11th in 60 days. I've come to realize that the essence of a committed relationship resides in how you all interacted that day and that romance, while nice, is not what holds people together and creates happiness.

    I like to make the distinction between marriage and commitment. Too often folks get married without contemplating commitment (often times because people just want a wedding)

    Happy Happy to both of you

  7. Wow! I'm not married, never been but your post really made me ponder about commitment. Marriage = commitment. While I believe I'm ready for that step, our Heavenly Father does not. Husband has not shown up yet, so I continue being molded by God into the person I need to be to sustain a marriage.

    I'm waiting (sometimes patiently, sometimes not) for the kind of marriage described in post above. It's a sacrifice worth waiting for because from what I can tell, marriage ain't no joke. However, done right it can bring joy to so many people & reflect God's love beautifully.

    Thanks for sharing! May God continue to bless your union so that others can be enlightened & encouraged. Congrats!

  8. my credit score would have been better wo a wife or a woman i do know that

  9. Torrance, lol. so funny...

    Honey, congrats. Your post was so sweet and true. It's the little things that matter. I'm not married for now. :)

  10. hey if you are in love girl go for it....just remember THAT COMMUNICATION HOLDS THE BEST RELATIONSHIP AT ALL TIMES. Dont lose out on that!!

  11. Happy anniversary. My wife and I will enjoy 12 years of marriage this year. Releasing selfishness is the key to a successful marriage. Love your spouse as yourself.

  12. This post is beautiful. I am going through my third pregnancy and my husband has been sweet an considerate. I on the other hand have been a hot, hormonal, overly emotional, bitchy mess. Yet he tries to find ways to please me and insure my comfort. Thanks for reminding me why I married him.

    I am so gonna cook him a nice Sunday dinner this weekend, even though just looking at raw meat makes me extremely nauseous.

    Marriage is what you make it. I wouldn't change it for the world.

  13. Mista Jaycee: congrats to you too. how many years?

    LoveBabz: Thank you Sister-Cuz.

    Marvin D. Wilson: Thanks..marriage is a work in progress

    CareyCarey: Thanks and I love your analogies...In this house it's Kool-Aid, LOL

    underOvr (aka The U): We thank you..glad you stopped by. need to get another chocolate dessert recipe, the Rich Chocolate Cake was delicious. Need to be able to make in a hurry as a peace offering when i screw up. LOL

    Mizrepresent: Thanks

    Intrepidblackman: Congrats to you too and the Mrs. I'm glad I had excellent examples of how marriages are held together from fam. Many kids today don't have that luxury.

    @anointd2srv: Continue to be the blessing that you are. You'll never know when you soulmate will come into your life.

    Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T: LOL, you are a nut.

    Dee S.: Thanks. Who knows what the future holds for you?

    Oyin: Sometimes KEEPING YOUR MOUTH SHUT works too. LOL

    Mocha Dad: Oh, understand. What is your anniversary date? want to add to calendar.

    rorysmomma: hubby says I've done all of that AFTER the pregnancy. I was mostly even keel prior to son's birth. He said HE was the one going through all of the changes. LOL


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